Why Did I Eat That Cookie?

For 21 days, I was really “good.”
No processed food. No cheating. Lent was going well.

Then… the cookie happened.

The day before, the kids had baked cookies. You know, the kind that smell like a warm hug and call your name when you walk passed them?  (Not to lead you into temptation but here’s the recipe– very easy to make and kids enjoy making shapes.)

Anyway, my self control was fine. I didn’t eat any cookie dough or taste the freshly baked cookies when they were warm out of the oven.

But the next day, something shifted.
I wasn’t even deeply upset — just a little off-center. Maybe a bit tired.
(Or maybe my brain simply remembered that cookies exist.)

I did try to fight it, for the record.
I messaged the Lent group: No reply.
I phoned Marcus: No answer.
There I was: me… and the cookie… and the overwhelming urge to devour it. 

Eventually, I ate the cookie.

Looking back, I wondered: Why did I eat it?
I wasn’t starving. I wasn’t having a breakdown.
It wasn’t even the best cookie. (No offense, kids.)

Maybe I was trying too hard to eat “perfectly” that when a tiny wobble came, I didn’t know how to bend without breaking?  Maybe I actually needed a cup of warm tea or glass of water?  Maybe I actually needed to sit and relax?

I reached out for support, but when no one replied, it felt like I had no options left… except the cookie.

Maybe the problem wasn’t the cookie.
Maybe the problem was thinking that eating a cookie erased all the “good” eating?  I did get back on track but I was disappointed in myself.  I was focusing on that one cookie and not the 21 days of healthy eating I also achieved.

If I could replay that moment, maybe I would:
Pause for a second and take a deep breath.
Talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend. (Kindly, not like a drill sergeant.) Maybe I should also remember negativity bias- (we are much more likely to remember something bad than something good.) Negativity bias is normal. 

I need to remind myself that growth isn’t about never messing up — it’s about how we come back after we do. (Which is maybe even more important.)  I know this, but sometimes practical application is a different story.

Often, we know what we actually should eat to feel healthy.  We know we need to exercise more.  But we don’t… why is that?  In the next 2 posts, I will explore this further.